Pazzesco!
Pazzesco!

Monday, June 27, 2005


the corporate system is down
It's tough to be unconventional. I realized this today when everyone in the office stood up with nothing to do because our servers went offline. Off where, I don't know, but they took a vacation. The unconventional part comes from the thought process that followed.

I said to myself, "This would make a good pazzesco entry; a commentary on corporate culture and its dependency on the computer." Then I thought about it again. That would be expected. I've said it many times before, the last thing I ever want to do here is tell you about my day. Yes, I take certain parts of it and comment, complain, and have anger to my hearts content, but I try not to fall into a trap. The trap where people do nothing but describe their every move and think it’s actually important. Sure, stories are fun to read, but they better be something fucking special. I really don't care where you went to drink with your "girls" last night, and how wasted you got, and all the dumb shit that goes along with it. If you say something about your day/weekend/week/life it better be worth the brain cells I'm devoting to it. I'm not going to rape your mind with a story about my trip to Michigan because it took up a whole week of my life; that would be stupid. Unless I'm totally off base, I don't think anyone would be interested in something so mundane. That's why I don't get why people talk about everything they do on these things.

For future reference please exclude the following from all blogs:
  • recaps in detail of your day/weekend/week
  • the things you love the most and have to tell people about daily; once and a while is OK, just not every fucking day!
  • updates about what you are currently doing that take up only a few lines; if you have the time to write "eating cheetos" and that’s it, you need a life
  • lists of things you need to get done
  • surveys with asinine questions; there's a reason I delete these from my e-mail
  • anything having to do with self-pity, immolation, and depression; instead of writing how depressed you are get off your ass and do something...no one wants to save you from anything
QUICK NOTE: Someone who works with my company was fired for sending out "Offensive German Political E-mails." Note to self - Never offer Pat a job with the company.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


the anticipation is killing me!
Not really. It's definitely injuring me on a certain level. Not sure if it's mental or physical. Maybe it's making me gassy?

So i was going to hold off posting until I finally finished coding the new website, but I haven't had time to finish it. The design is pretty much done, the only thing left are the little things that I need to add in order to make it acceptable to look at. The funny part about all this is I had mentioned making a change to this website seven months ago. I did nothing since that time to make the page any better. On Sunday, I just decided to start playing with it all, and actually got a decent amount done. Worse part is if I don't finish this all by tomorrow night, there will be no hopes on putting up the new site until a week from now. Why? Business trip to Michigan.

Oh yes, Michigan. A place so exciting, it’s called "the Wolverine State," even though no wolverines have ever lived there. I will be in this wonderful state from Sunday night to Friday. On the plus side, everything is expensed, so meals and such are all free. On the non plus side there's nothing to do. Detroit is perhaps the ghettoist city around. Our main office is nice, but that doesn't make for a good time after work. There is a pool, but it's indoor, and I was never fond of that. The hot tub isn't fun alone either. The only thing left is TV. Oh boy what luck. Whatever the case I'll be there a whole week without internet access (anyone want to buy me a laptop?). And that means no updating.

So the plan is to have the site up by tomorrow night, so I can have some feedback while I'm gone. In reality, nothing will happen and I won't put anything here for another month. Not like you really care anyway.

QUICK NOTE: It was very difficult to leave my house this morning.

Thursday, June 09, 2005


dear world
It has come to my attention that there are some issues that need to be addressed. For too long you have allowed these transgressions to grow out of control and now their sheer size and idiocy have made them a serious threat to our way of life. I have outlined them below:

Motorola
Why the fuck can't Motorola make a charger that actually works? Why after a year do their chargers stop charging? No it's not the battery, it's the fucking connection. I spend 5 - 10 minutes wiggling the charger in the base of the phone until the charging thing comes up. Then I have to gently put it down, because any false move and the thing stops charging. Other times, I'll plug in the charger and the phone will turn itself back on just to tell me that it's "Unable to Charge." I've even resorted to breathing on the charger jack a-la old school Nintendo. Look, I have no problem with the phone, it does what it has to, and is pretty resilient to the shit I put it through. But a dead phone is no good to me. Motorola get it right OK? A charger has one purpose, so I don't understand how you can fuck that only use up.

Coldplay
Apparently they are the new Holy Trinity because all I hear is how great and important the new Coldplay album is. What does that really mean? It means there's a new substance the media can abuse. Soon we'll be hearing new Coldplay on car commercials, movie trailers, radio stations, and TV Shows. It will be played until our ears start bleeding the lyrics themselves. Now look, I'm a fan of Coldplay. I think their music sounds the same a lot, but they do diversify now and again. However, this shit is perfect fodder for pop culture. It approaches and usually crosses that musical line that doesn't sound pop, but actually is because it appeals to everyone and they're grandmother so it loses all respect as good music because everyone knows it. And if you were a shithead ad exec. wouldn't you look for something that appeals to all audiences to try and sell something. "Wow, this Coldplay is so different it's good. It appeals to me and I have a stick up my ass. Let's beat it to death by attaching it to everything that sucks."

New Jersey
You fucking smell! Seriously, Jersey, buy some deodorant because it smells like you killed an animal, shoved it up your ass, ate rotten Chinese food and then shit your pants. I commute to work every day and get bombarded with everything from old cake batter, to ass, to rotten polluted water, and chemicals. I can feel my cells mutating, my lungs freezing up from the vapors, and the paint stripping off my car. I know there are parts of Jersey that are nice, but that does not make up for the smelly parts. Clean your ass Jersey!

In conclusion I do hope that this letter is enough to rectify the situations I have discussed above. If there is anything further amiss, I will be sure to contact you again in the near future.

-Chester

QUICK NOTE: Walking around a cemetery is cool.

Friday, June 03, 2005


sickos
So here's a list of some search items people have been using to find my site. Does anyone see a trend here?
  • shitting noises
  • polish bike ride
  • pazzesco
  • eating shit while sex
  • pain from tearing of the hymen
  • i could eat nachos everyday
  • saratoga springs
Maybe I should just make a list of all the worst things that people search, just to get more hits on the site. Such list would look like:
  • tits
  • pussy
  • cock
  • balls
  • Hitler
  • Michael Jackson
  • Pedio-Necro-Beastiality...with Golden Showers
There, that should bring in droves of idiots.

QUICK NOTE: I really hate those banner ads that say "(insert action here) (insert something here) and win (insert product here)!" No one is going to win anything. What more I don't give a shit if the frog eats the bug, or if Bush gets punched out, or if the paparazzi gets Brad Pitt. Why don't they at least make them more interesting. Like cut off the child molester's penis and win a TV, or smite the heathens with fury and win a Bible. Even better, just tell me "This banner leads to a piece of shit website. Click here if you are a gullible douche."


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