NovA SeNIor YeAr!! 143 ChIcKIeS! HiT ThE CeLLy
Leave it to the Villanovan to give voice to my embittered tirades. Yeah that's right, they actually printed something that would have probably appeared here anyway. Page 8 holds my voice concerning the lack of morals at Villanova and the support of stereotyping that runs rampant on campus. Who would have imagined that a late night hashing of anger could be deemed printable. Oh well.

As I write here though I begin to realize that online journals bother me. Bear with me. I wouldn't call this a journal or anything of the sort. This is something I do once and a while that reflects what's in my head. There is no emotion, no deeper meaning, just the things that make me who I am. I get to curse, and yell and do it on a regular basis (not like I don't anyway). The Blog is becoming very popular. It's just a way to create social commentary or to just say something you want to say. The online journal's however are just glorified away messages.

The "away message" has most certainly ceased to be anything that has to do with being away. Some people do use it to tell you what they are doing, but really does anyone care? Unfortunately, it has become a forum for college folks to say things they just don't want to say to someone in person. I wonder some things though. What did college students do before the away message? Did they just sit alone staring at the computer screen? Did they leave voice mails with long drawn out quotes, or John Mayer like lyrics? Or did they actually say something to that individual or individuals in person that sounded like "If this is the end, I don't want to know this time... I just want you by my side." It has extended to profiles and now to actual journals. There are pages and pages of this crap on websites now. The funniest thing I believe is that people write things they know other those people will actually read. So if I write "I hate X" on a public site, do I expect X not to read it, especially when I have a link in my profile? Does anybody actually think anymore?

Now, however I realize that the "away message" is a public display of the most heinous game of love that people insist on playing. The "I'm not going to say exactly what I'm thinking because I want to leave you guessing, despite that it would make everything a whole lot easier and probably save you pain, money, and time" game. Nobody knows how to be straightforward anyway so why not make it public anyway.

What if I used this though? What if I created these "away messages" that reflected emotion and feelings that actually didn't exist? If everyone relies on "away messages" as much as I think they do, I could control all perception of me through these "away messages." Do you realize all the things I can do? "Tom, are you depressed today? How bout some free beer to help you in your time of need." or "Wow Tom, do you really hate Democracy that much? I'm going to have to steer clear of your Socialist ideals." You see, it all comes down to what the mind perceives and whether you believe it or not.

Meditation Spot
I was on campus last night. I visited my meditation place. It was quite the relaxing thing. It has certainly been a while. I don't go there during the day because there are just too many people around on campus during that time. At night it's just me and the stars. I also borrowed a Tao book from Beth. While I'm not turning my back on Catholicism, I'm looking at it as a philosophy on life. A way to further search myself and strengthen my chi. Yeah I wish I knew what that meant, but soon I will. Anyway, the mediation place isn't for only when there is something on my mind. I have nothing on my mind that requires deep thought at the moment. I stopped thinking a long time ago, and it's paying off very well. So I just go and delve into my deepest areas. Do some spring cleaning, rearrange the mind, and just enjoy being alive...and Banana Pudding (more on that some other time.)

I am definitely fed up with education. I mean the professors don't try much anymore. Its always read, read, talk, talk, read, read, talk, talk, MIDTERM, read, talk, FINAL. And it's the same thing over and over again. The material loses any value cause you're just forced fed it. And I hate routine. Education has become a routine. One that costs me and my parents money; too much money. Going to grad school? Nahh! I can't bear to be dirt poor anymore. Villanova, you sell out, I am so done with you. If I didn't have to get a cheap piece of paper from you in May I would so be out of this right now. Yeah I'll miss some of the people, but we all need to move on. Change is good. But now I return to my painting and my Vivaldi. I suggest you try it sometime.

Sleeping on the Couch?
I usually just brush it off. I know I'm a strange one. Fine. But why do I sleep on the couch? And I mean sleep on my own couch, like I have no bed. There are nights when I want to sleep on the couch in the living room, and not in my bed. It happened a lot last year...and it continues this year. My bed is vacant, my room accessible, and there is nothing stopping me from sleeping there but an extreme need to be on the couch. It's uncomfortable, it makes my back hurt in the morning, and my neck hurts too, yet I have to do it. I've learned to sleep anywhere, from other couches, to chairs, to floors and I like it. I like to know that I could just pass out anywhere regardless of the comfort level. This still doesn't answer my question. Is it the TV? When I'm home I put the TV on sleep and I fall asleep with it on. But there really is no need for it. Last night I slept on someone's couch without anything. In fact there were people in the room and it didn't matter. In fact now that I think of it, I fall asleep better on any couch than I do in my bed. I know this cause I am always passed out at a party or something if there is a couch around. Food for thought.

Simple things
I usually don't keep up to date on this thing, but writing two days in a row is a big step for me. What's the occasion? Nothing really. Let's keep in mind people that I haven't gone soft. There is still plenty of bitter left inside of me, and believe me you will hear about it. I just don't have anything funny to complain about at the moment. But I will, I assure you.

It's the little things that count in life...that I'm sure of. Tonight I noticed a little thing. I came in late and the whole apartment was dark. I went into my room and there was moonlight spilled on my bed. MOONLIGHT! You're probably asking, "why is he so excited about moonlight"? And I know at least one of you (Pat) is saying, "Tom is definitely homosexual." Well I've never had a room where moonlight would actually directly spill in. And it's cool. The moon is huge tonight, and Mars is just off to the right so it looks really greart anyway. But moonlight is unique. It's cold and warm all at the same time. It will now be my life's goal to have a house where the moon will surely enter through a window, just so it can bathe the room. (all the while still plotting to destroy MTV of course)

Life isn't as sweet without the sour
I guess I've decided that consistently bitching about things, while quite hilarious, can also get boring. There are plenty of sites out there that have people just complaining all the time. Now I have no problem with social commentary, but I think a change of pace is required.

Do you people watch? Today I sat under a tree (nothing new) and people watched (nothing new). For some reason I enjoy just watching people go by while just sitting in my on world, listening to music. You can tell alot from people just by looking at them in their element. By element I mean the oreo. You know the oreo would be much cooler if it wasn't crawling with pretensious assholes. Everywhere you turn you see nothing but short skirts, and flipped polo shirt collars. But that's not the point. The point is you see every walk of life, people watching. True, at Villanova finding someone different is like a needle in a haystack, a very wealthy haystack, but they're out there. Like you see that dude whose dressed like a punk, who is obviously not listening to JAY-Z on his headphones. Or that girl who for some reason just looks sad and you don't know why. Then you see people you know, and while it's common courtesy to say hello, why would I spoil my 4th wall that I built by breaking it just to wave. The best way to see someone, is to see them when they think no one they know is looking. And I wonder what they are thinking? I wonder what is goin on in their heads at that moment. Alot of them have very serious faces on. If they are talking they obviously aren't as pensive, but when they are alone they always look deep in thought. Never do I see someone walking alone with a smile. A friend of mine asked me last week, why I looked confused when she saw me from a dining hall on campus. I told her I was just smiling, just feeling very at peace with myself and who I was. Those are the times I feel like I am at my best. When I'm comfortable with now, when it's a beautiful day, and everyone else just fades into nothing.

On another note, I miss two things about living on campus: 1. Midnight runs around the campus, and 2. My meditation place that I used to go to at night. There's this one place I will always go, rain, sleet, snow, just to think and clear my mind. It's not that easy to get to from my apartment, and Kingswood lacks those aestethic outlets. But I find my way once and a while.

I HATE MY MTV!
I don't want my MTV...in fact you can take back your damn MTV. I have officially had it with that channel and all the crap that they call entertainment on it. I've always harbored a hate for it but this week all that hit a feverish pitch. The rest is music history...or should I say everything but music history.

I despise pop culture, in fact I think I'm the antithesis of the water cooler conversation. It's what everybody isn't talking about that interests me the most. But then you have MTV. A once rebellious network that broke new ground by playing "music videos;" that has sold out on every level. I understand that music videos can get old but to stop playing them completely is just dumb. MTV has become the whore of corporate America. They play lackey to everything and anything that will throw them a buck, completely destroying any hair of dignity the network had. Initially, my hate began with the countless numbers of sheep that have flocked to MTV just to be cool. TRL, the epitome of evil, has become a haven for bad music (all 5 seconds they actually play, but I guess that's a good thing), and a forum for pretentious celebrities to be poorly interviewed by Carson "Toolbox" Daly just to get millions of under aged brainwashed girls to scream. And let's not forget to mention the REAL WORLD. What are they on now? 84? Let's get a Nazi (NaziCount == 4) and a Jew in one house and see what happens. Then we'll beat it into the ground for a numerous amount of years, pretending its different each time by always doing it in a different location. Who were the ad wizards that came up with that one? Do you think MTV even pays for the therapy bills those people need afterwards? Then again what self-respecting person would even want be on that show? And only MTV could ruin an American institution like Ozzy Osbourne. I'm sure he really enjoys little teen girls who listen to Britney Spears, even uttering his name. They've turned him into a freak show...and that's hard to do.

But all this has been stewing inside of me anyway. Recently, in true MTV fashion, they did something I knew they would do. Of course they shoved the Video Music Awards down viewer's throats (Funny for a channel that barely shows videos) until the grand day actually came. Bad enough they continue with that horrible tradition, they actually made headlines the next day. Why? Well knowing that they have sway over stupid meaningless stuff that everyone will talk about, they arrange for Britney, to kiss an old woman, Madonna, and also have Christina (happens to be from Staten Island...whore) do the same. OH MY GOD!! LIKE DID YOU SEE THE VMA'S! I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THAT! OH MY GOD!! I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH IT AGAIN ANOTHER 800 TIMES THIS WEEKEND. I mean for Christmas sake, they know you assholes are watching, waiting for controversy. So they dip their spoon into the useless crap pile, mix it with a little gratuitous sex, add a sprinkle of nostalgia, and then you have this. And all those sheep just take their medicine completely oblivious to the fact that it's a mere placebo, just to illicit the reaction most of the country did. Is that really news worthy?

Then finally there's the coin that tipped the already leaning scale. This. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT THE MARRIED LIFE OF TWO UNDESERVINGLY RICH ASSHOLES!!! I mean really what is the appeal? Do we care that the only problem in Jessica Simpson's life is the laundry? DO YOU! OH BOO FUCKING HOO! And MTV puts this on the air like it's a good thing. Of course everyone is going to watch, because if it's on, it has to be important and relevant.

It has become one of my personal goals to destroy MTV. I don't know how or when, but it will happen. While they are sucking the balls of corporate America, having their pussies licked by the public, I'll be the one setting it all aflame. The War has just begun...