i'll have the ridiculous with a side of offensive
I think humanity has reached a new low. No, this doesn't have anything to do with pop culture, politics, or public displays incompetence. This is a God awful, for real, true story. It is a story of stupidity, narowmindedness, and pasta.

For years the debate has been raging: God or Evolution? Well to appease the masses someone came up with intelligent design, or the belief that while evolution was likely, a "higher being" of sorts pushed it along with an invisible touch. In response to the Kansas Board of Education having a meeting discussing the teaching of intelligent design in schools, Bob Henderson sent a letter discussing his beliefs in intelligent design. The "higher being" he spoke of was the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who created the universe and effects it with His noodly appendage. The letter goes on to satire the entire intelligent design theory, using such evidence as the number of pirates in relation to the number of natural disasters. Needless to say, it is a humorous and informative read.

Like most things on the internet, it has begun to gain a cult following. Shrines to His Spaghettiness have been popping up all over the place, and art work, t-shirts, and bumper stickers are appearing praising His deeds. This is one example of such iconic work.

An excellent portrayal of what we know to be the true creator of life.

I decided that this golden ark of humor was too good to go unnoticed, so I printed the image and hung it up at my desk. For those times of the day when I felt upset, lost, or just in need of a break I would look upon His holiness...chuckle to myself...and feel refreshed. He truly was the king of kings.

Now said image had been hanging up at my desk for at least 3 months. My boss inquired its meaning, and I enlightened him with the ways of the Spaghetti Monster but I think he just brushed it off as the strange humor of a strange boy. Never the less, it remained on my wall for an extended amount of time. That is until yesterday.

Sitting at my desk one of the resident morons, whats-her-face, who by the way could have easily went to Villanova, bounces over in all her stupid spoiled siliconeness sits ON my desk and proceeds to point at Him and asks "What is this?" I explained to her the concept of intelligent design and the satire related to it. Of course these words flew right over her head, falling on to ears which had never heard anything beyond "Nice cans" and "How much do you want?" Totally ignoring anything I said she exclaims, "Do you know what they look like? A man's testicles." I'll give you a couple of seconds to digest that one. I kind of stared back at her, the obvious jokes swimming through my mind, the social responsibility levee breaking away, and all I could say was "Well, people see what they want to see in pictures." Far more vile could have come out of my mouth, but obviously less vile than what usually comes out of hers...or in. She kind of giggled (something she does far too much daily) and scurried away to return to her desk and continue doing nothing. I thought nothing of it; just a brush with idiocy.

As I walked into work yesterday, my eyes passed over an empty wall. On my chair was an envelope containing said picture. I put two and two together. Logging on to my e-mail I see a letter from my boss:

It has been brought to my attention that the art work hanging up on your desk was considered pushing the envelope of what is acceptable and what is not in an office setting. For that reason, I pro actively placed the two pictures that were hanging up in the white envelope on your chair. Please refrain from hanging them back up.

Our desks should not contain any items that would cause a peer to question if an item is work appropriate or not. If you are unsure of what is acceptable or not before hanging something ask myself and we can discuss further or even ask HR for a viewpoint.

Thanks for understanding!

Offensive? Spaghetti and meatballs are offensive? Am I missing something here? Just because some dumb ass sees balls I have to suffer? Did she not see the eyeballs, the spaghetti noodles, or the red sauce? Did she not listen to my explanation? And the best fucking thing is that she probably went to her supervisor and said it looks like he has balls on his desk. Who does that? Maybe I'm offended by your shitty personality, your slutty dress, your lack of productivity, or maybe your inclination to gossip. That's the way I see you. It may not be balls but I am just as offended by you being alive as you were by meatballs. Finally, I highly doubt balls offend you. If they did, you wouldn't be putting them in your mouth every night. Dumb slut.

Is this what we've come to? Dinner is now offensive? You can act like a slut, be a bad person, but none of that is offensive until it involves genitals or tits. What the fuck?!

QUICK NOTE: Why in God's name did I listen to Xhristmas music last night?