boys rhymes with toys
I've been waiting to write this one for a while, it's just taken forever for me to actually sit down and do it.

Once again the joys of internet spelunking have yielded a find of immense proportions. Something so dark and so black your feel nauseous. Let me give you some background.

A long time ago there was a movie called Batman, directed by a Tim Burton. Due to the crappy nature of superhero movies at that time, this movie became the golden calf of the genre. From the point the movie came out, all other superhero ventures were benchmarked against it. Capitalizing on its success, Mr. Burton decided to make a sequel. While it didn't do as well as the first, Batman Returns does hold a place in my heart. It may be the quotable lines, Oswald Cobblepot, or just the presence of Christopher Walken, I don't know. Whatever the case, the movie was mostly successful. After that the Batman movies became a shell of their once beautiful selves thanks to new director Joel Schumacher. But I digress.

The real meat of this story comes from that which never made it to the public...until now. Riding high on the success of the Batman franchise, Tim Burton, apparently with glimmers of the pathetic movie career he has now, had an idea. Make Batman...into a musical. Yes that's right, you read that correctly. It seems deep consideration was given to a musical of the Batman movies he recently helmed. So serious was Mr. Burton that he had a composer and song writer already begin work on it: Jim Steinman. Jim Steinman has a pretty good resume. Most of his songs are actually great; especially when sung by the Loaf.

However, I can't say what you're about to listen to qualifies as great. Actually I can't say it qualifies as decent. Ahh Hell, it plain old sucks. That would be OK if it were just a song. But it isn't. It's an embodiment of one of the best movies of our generation. You sit and listen and hope it can live up to your expectations. Immediately you are let down. In fact you are let down so hard you don't even know and keep listening because you can't believe that something that could have be so great is really really really bad. The lyrics just keep getting worse and worse, and the nightmare continues when you attempt to think of Jack Nicholson even going near these lines.

I may be a little harsh at times on things, but this one really deserves it. I give you fair warning: this is the equivalent of a holocaust on your ears. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you Wonderful Toys.

QUICK NOTE: Screw Disney World, this is the most wonderful place on earth.