Friday, August 05, 2005
an offer you can't refuze
When you drive long distances as much as i do, you begin to learn the ways of the road. You know when a lane is going to slow down far before it does, you know who’s a good driver and who isn't long before you even go near them, and sometimes you even buddy up with cars like yours and play cat and mouse just to pass the time. Along with learning the rules of the road, you also learn about all the places along the road. There's the Quick Check on 31 with the really cheap gas, the vineyard with 4 grape bushes but spectacular views in New Paltz, the random hidden dirt road next to a hay field somewhere I don't remember in Jersey, and who can forget the countless rest stops: Molly Pitcher, Modena, Joyce Kilmer, Richard Stockton, Ramapo...and so on. Hey there's a plan. Get a rest stop named after me. Oh man, I'm putting that away in the "Can't die before it happens" file.
With the long drives comes snacking; something that’s been happening since the invention of the autocar. Back in the 20's young hipsters would eat Granula bits, and drink flavored spirits while traveling great distances. We call this the invention of drunk driving and one of the man causes of prohibition. Later during the depression traveling families would munch on salted pork, stopping at streams and rivers to quench their parched mouths. We call this the invention of heart disease. So you see eating and driving go hand and hand; like pretty much everything else you do that has a free hand to stuff your face.
For me, eating on the road has evolved as my stomach deflated. Of course in the past any stop for food would include candy, fast food, ice cream, or all three. Jesus, was I a fatty. Now stops include trail mix, a protein bar, water, or anything else mostly healthy. Even fruit. My healthy ways have created a problem however. As we all know, rest stops are notorious for containing some of the shittiest unhealthiest food ever created by man. So I'm left with trying anything available that has some sort of nutrients in it. Usually these are my options:
Juice: Juice is good, but its loaded with lots of sugar, and sometimes way to imitation to be healthy.
Water: Yay....water...healthy...healthy...tasteless...boring.
Diet Soda: There are times for diet soda, and there are times not for diet soda.
Other: Anything that says the word healthy on it.
The tastiest thing up there is juice. But with all the sugar, it kind of negates the vitamin value it gives. What's left are alternative juices: something derived from fruit but with added fake sugar. Most of these beverages are aspartame based, which we all know "causes cancer in lab animals." It's rare to see one without it in my travels, so the discovery of one is usually a well celebrated event. Such an occasion has occurred.
Fuze. Simple right? You've probably seen it and been like "What the hell is that?" This isn't anything new, I've been drinking Fuze for over a year now. What's the appeal? The appeal lies in its low-carb goodness, it's use of Splenda as a sweetener, the taste of course, and the packaging. It's amazing what the packaging can do for a product. Take Vitamin Water for example: named healthy, looks healthy (like a prescription), full of bad sugar. And everyone who drinks it knows this. It doesn't stop them though. Even the bottle shape is eye catching. After some looking into the site, a large focus of creating the drink was its design and branding. In my opinion it was successful. For those of you not into the healthier drinks, their non-slenderize lines still contain all those healthy things and still minimal sugars. Of course, they have witty names like focus and energy, but they come in tons of flavors, so you’re not limited to the blue kind and the purple kind. It's really hard to say no to this stuff once you've tried it. Be warned however: its also hard to find. If you see it, grab it because the next time you have it may not be for a while.
In the meantime I think I'm going to start a club of Fuze drinkers called "Fuzers" whose goal is to enlighten others of the sweet nectar that flows from the neck of that bottle...or just continue drinking it when I get thirsty on the road. That should be enough.
QUICK NOTE: Plums are very sloppy fruits. Oh, and office politics have to be the stupidest and most avoidable problems ever. Go to work to work, not to be a slut.
When you drive long distances as much as i do, you begin to learn the ways of the road. You know when a lane is going to slow down far before it does, you know who’s a good driver and who isn't long before you even go near them, and sometimes you even buddy up with cars like yours and play cat and mouse just to pass the time. Along with learning the rules of the road, you also learn about all the places along the road. There's the Quick Check on 31 with the really cheap gas, the vineyard with 4 grape bushes but spectacular views in New Paltz, the random hidden dirt road next to a hay field somewhere I don't remember in Jersey, and who can forget the countless rest stops: Molly Pitcher, Modena, Joyce Kilmer, Richard Stockton, Ramapo...and so on. Hey there's a plan. Get a rest stop named after me. Oh man, I'm putting that away in the "Can't die before it happens" file.
With the long drives comes snacking; something that’s been happening since the invention of the autocar. Back in the 20's young hipsters would eat Granula bits, and drink flavored spirits while traveling great distances. We call this the invention of drunk driving and one of the man causes of prohibition. Later during the depression traveling families would munch on salted pork, stopping at streams and rivers to quench their parched mouths. We call this the invention of heart disease. So you see eating and driving go hand and hand; like pretty much everything else you do that has a free hand to stuff your face.
For me, eating on the road has evolved as my stomach deflated. Of course in the past any stop for food would include candy, fast food, ice cream, or all three. Jesus, was I a fatty. Now stops include trail mix, a protein bar, water, or anything else mostly healthy. Even fruit. My healthy ways have created a problem however. As we all know, rest stops are notorious for containing some of the shittiest unhealthiest food ever created by man. So I'm left with trying anything available that has some sort of nutrients in it. Usually these are my options:
Juice: Juice is good, but its loaded with lots of sugar, and sometimes way to imitation to be healthy.
Water: Yay....water...healthy...healthy...tasteless...boring.
Diet Soda: There are times for diet soda, and there are times not for diet soda.
Other: Anything that says the word healthy on it.
The tastiest thing up there is juice. But with all the sugar, it kind of negates the vitamin value it gives. What's left are alternative juices: something derived from fruit but with added fake sugar. Most of these beverages are aspartame based, which we all know "causes cancer in lab animals." It's rare to see one without it in my travels, so the discovery of one is usually a well celebrated event. Such an occasion has occurred.
Fuze. Simple right? You've probably seen it and been like "What the hell is that?" This isn't anything new, I've been drinking Fuze for over a year now. What's the appeal? The appeal lies in its low-carb goodness, it's use of Splenda as a sweetener, the taste of course, and the packaging. It's amazing what the packaging can do for a product. Take Vitamin Water for example: named healthy, looks healthy (like a prescription), full of bad sugar. And everyone who drinks it knows this. It doesn't stop them though. Even the bottle shape is eye catching. After some looking into the site, a large focus of creating the drink was its design and branding. In my opinion it was successful. For those of you not into the healthier drinks, their non-slenderize lines still contain all those healthy things and still minimal sugars. Of course, they have witty names like focus and energy, but they come in tons of flavors, so you’re not limited to the blue kind and the purple kind. It's really hard to say no to this stuff once you've tried it. Be warned however: its also hard to find. If you see it, grab it because the next time you have it may not be for a while.
In the meantime I think I'm going to start a club of Fuze drinkers called "Fuzers" whose goal is to enlighten others of the sweet nectar that flows from the neck of that bottle...or just continue drinking it when I get thirsty on the road. That should be enough.
QUICK NOTE: Plums are very sloppy fruits. Oh, and office politics have to be the stupidest and most avoidable problems ever. Go to work to work, not to be a slut.
// posted by Chester @ 4:53 PM 
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.
© 1999-2013 pazzesco.
© 1999-2013 pazzesco.