You don't have to be anywhere you don't want to be
So there was this person who did something really funny, and me and my friends laughed at it so hard, but when I tell the story, I don 't realize that it's just not funny, and nobody else gets it, so I finish by saying, "It was really funny, you had to be there!"

Wrong, wrong, WRONG, FUCKING WRONG!

I hate this. I really really hate this. I hate these situations. And the number of times I encounter this course of conversation: well that's immeasurable. I mean really, how many times has someone finished a worthless story with "You had to be there"? And don't you think to yourself, "No, I didn't have to be there, cause if I wanted to I would have." People just don't get it. It's called exercising control. I'll be the first to confess when I tell a story and it just doesn't have the same effect, a small part of me hangs its head in shame. I value being funny, quick, and always on top of the conversation around me. And I'm not much of a storyteller, I never was. But I don't try to save a sinking ship by tacking on "It was really funny, you had to be there." It's too fucking late by then! You can't hide the fact that your story sucks by chanting one magical phrase. And I accept that, so I don't do it.

What about the rest of the world you may ask? They seem to have this problem. It's called NOT BEING FUNNY! If there's anything I hate more, it's unfunny people who think they are the wittiest fucks in the world. I'm not honking my horn here, but general consensus from people around me is that I have a sense of humor. I mean I was the fat guy, so I had to be funny because if I wasn't, I'd just be the fat guy...and no one likes the fatty who isn't funny. As a part of having a sense of humor, you know when and when not to say things. Hello? That's what funny is: comedic timing...you know...that stuff? And people just don't have it and they don't realize it. So they try to save themselves from embarassment by saying those words.

Do they even stop to think? If a situation ends up being funny, it's only so because you are in the environment at the time it happens. There is no possible way on earth that YOU can tell me every single detail that existed in that moment of time and space to make your story just as hilarious. Even worse, the moments themselves aren't that funny anyway. It's like taking the holocaust and trying to pull something funny out of it (which is possible, believe me). That takes a level of humor that Joe and Jane Schmuck just don't have. I mean why do you think comedians make up their own stories? Because the world will never fit into the mold that is situational comedy that perfectly. And if it does? Well, that is very rare, so consider yourself one of the few.

And the topping on this assfuck of a cake? It's spread from word of mouth to the world of AWAY MESSAGES. Yes. That land of idiocy and depression that has become an annoying aspect of our culture. The good out of this however, is that it becomes physical evidence of not being funny. When you sit and chat, and find something so hilarious that you need to put it up as an away message for all the world to see, you're also exposing the fact that you have a dumb sense of humor. So your little conversation with Gofo23 doesn't make any sense to me because it's probably a joke that only 3 people get, and isn't that humorous anyway. It's like when that annoying friend comes home from college and tells you all of stories he/she has. They make no sense, are completely moronic, and you end up not being friends with then anymore.

So do us all a favor. Think twice before you talk and/or put up that away message. If it's genuinely funny, share the wealth. If you don't know? Ask me. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ASK ME!

QUICK NOTE: The reason isn't and never will be YOU!! Unless you happen to beat the shit out of YOU, and then that is the reason you're an idiot because you quote that song.