Pizzi-whatsa-whosits-ola?!
I'm not a big Subway fan. I was never drawn in by the tastey sandwiches they promise because I can just go to one of the 800 delis in NY and get some fresh bread and cold-cuts and make my own damn Sub (No it's not a Hoagie). Also, I think Jared is an asshole. But I was in the King of Prussia mall the other day and Junior and myself decided to grab a bite to eat. We first went to the rich people's food court, or should I say "gold plated diamond studded eatery." Prices are high, things have fancy names, and you can get fake authentic gelato from a Mexican. After we stopped kidding ourselves in trying to believe we'd get an economical meal there we agreed upon the normal food court: where the elite meet to drink. There is always an eccentric selection there, from Taco Bell, to the Greek Gyro place, to the Chinese lady who always makes you try a sample of bourbon chicken. There was also a Subway. As I looked up at the menu Jr. pointed out the "Chicken Pizziola." It looked interesting so I gave it a try. It wasn't anything special but that's not my point here. My beef comes with the basic issue of what the fuck is it to begin with anyway. The Pizziola was a mystery wrapped in a zip lock bag.

I don't have a problem with what's in the Pizziola. It seems to be generic marinara sauce, pepperoni, cheese of your choice and chicken. Pop it in the microwave for a minute and a half and you have the glorious "Chicken Pizziola." Now that's all fine and dandy; I wasn't expecting much in the way of Subway getting something Italian right so its Americanized taste didn't bother me. It's the goddamned name! First the pronunciation: is it "Pizzy-ola" or "Pizz-ola" or whatever. These marketing techniques are always stupid. The Pizziola is not the first in a great history of dumb names that try to be witty and memorable all at the same time. Let us not forget the Big New Yorker from Pizza Hut, the McFlurry from McDonalds, and anything that comes out of Taco Bell. This search for the reasoning behind the name, triggered something though. My first response was that it was pizzaesque, so they named it "Pizz-something made up to get the point across." But I reconsidered. I do recall that my mom used to cook something that sounded similar to the "Pizz" sound, called Pizzaiola (Peets-i-ool for the British). If memory serves me correctly it had tomato sauce as the main ingredient, as well as some kind of meat minus the bread. I hurried to the internet to find my answers.

Pizzaiola is a real Italian term, this I'm sure of. It is tomato sauce, generally seasoned with garlic and oregano and then put on meat. Fine. But so is the Pizziola. There seemed to be multiple sights with recipes for some kind of Pizziola but I could not find a definition for the term. So was this all a gross butchering of the Italian language for the sake of the public? I think so. The likenesses between the two words and the two actual meals are uncanny. But why the hell didn't they just leave it the way it was supposed to be? Maybe the "a" in the real word would scare away Joe or Jane Customer. God forbid they should have to endure the sheer shock of witnessing three vowels in rapid succession? It would stupefy the patron causing him/her to leave quickly, confused about what aliens Subway is marketing to these days. But I said it before, "I wasn't expecting much in the way of Subway getting something Italian right."

Should you go try one? You could just throw some pepperoni, sauce, cheese, and chicken in some bread and do it yourself. It will save you money and time. Today's special at Subway: Anti-cultural CRAP.