the goethals bridge is an old whore
If you live any where near the island, have driven through it, or just know a lot about traffic patterns, you must know then that island traffic is asshole traffic. I blame this on the ad-hoc developing that went on during the past sixty years. Where narrow, poorly planned roads were built to give access to every single asscrack corner of the island. Now with too many people living there, the road system can't handle the volume, the unnecessarily huge SUVs and the idiot drivers. Thus, it takes an ungodly amount of time to get anywhere. This poor development also extends to the bridges, specifically the goethals.

The main issue with the goethals is that the lanes are not wide enough. Being only 10 feet across, and having no emergency shoulders, if anyone decideas makes the smallest fart, it causes the huge volume of cars to jam up, thus giving me an aneurism of anger and profanity. For you see the traffic hits a level that's so bad, it backs up through the toll booths regardless of EZ-PASS. So, even despite your efforts to expedite any delay on the road, you're left to sit with a bunch of assholes that refuse to accept the fact that we're all in the same plight, as they tirelessly attempt to cut off as many people as they can, throwing out any laws that apply to safe driving, causing more chaos and traffic. Thanks assholes.

Why is everyone cutting each other off? Oh wait, I know. It's because there are about 10 toll booths that lead to two lanes in under 1000ft. And there are two fucking tiny lanes because the bridge was built in 1929, where the biggest thing on the road was an overweight horse. Rather than doing something about it sooner, we're now left with an obsolete bridge that is constantly being ripped up and repaved (I think just to piss me the fuck off) and a plan that's stuck in red tape to build a twin bridge, dividing east and west bound traffic. Odds are it will be grossly overpriced and will end up creating more of an issue.

After a year of dealing with this I came up with the realization that the goethals truly is an old whore, and a bad one at that. Any good whore knows their capabilities. After years of whoring, the whore understands the possibilities that can be bestowed upon them, or in them, or all over them. So any good whore would also understand that while their vagina might be wider than the mouth of a lion, stretched to all hell from years of abuse, that they still can only fit two maybe three dicks in at one time. Now the whore also knows that many would like to enter due to the ease of use and quick result, but the whore makes sure that things remain orderly and too many dicks don't merge at once.

The goethals on the other hand doesn't understand this. She too has had many years of use; over 70 years of consistent whoring. But as time went on, rather than being the responsible whore she was made to be, and coming to terms with the fact that she isn't as spry as she used to be, she rams as many cars into her vagina as possible. She assumes that 10 feet are enough because it always was. However, there are bigger more ambitious dicks on the road and her ancient vagina can't handle that load. So what happens? Thirty or forty dicks try to enter her all at the same time and no one gets anywhere. This leaves a mass of angry dicks at her vagina, all trying to out-do one another. If it weren't for pimp daddy MTA she probably would have retired by now.

In other words, she really needs to be put out of her misery.

QUICK NOTE: DVDA is where two men penetrate the vagina, and another two men penetrate the anus of a single woman. Thus, this involves double vaginal penetration and double anal penetration simultaneously. However, in real life, this appears to be anatomically impossible, because of the spatial interference (did Wikipedia seriously just use this term in defining a sex act?) of the male participants' pelvic bones. (Wikipedia)

USED IN A SENTENCE: There is truly no point in giving her DVDA because my junk is far too close in proximity to those other dudes' junk.

animal fun

not a hamburger
I think it's about time to get something straight here. If you don't know it by now, I drive a Chrysler 300. I hold a lot of stock in the quality and the looks of the vehicle. In fact, I wanted it ever since the day it came out. So I get frustrated (surprise, surprise) when I see the look and quality being tampered with. How? By idiots changing the grille and trying to make the car something it isn't.

I don't know if it's the dealers, wacko drivers, or a combination of both but somewhere along the way, in the months following the launch of the 300, some idiot decided to replace the grille with one that looks like a Bentley. Now, I'll be the first to state that there are some resemblances between the 300 and the Arnage. But that's where the likenesses end. The two could not possibly compete with one another. One is a high-end ultra-luxury brand, the other is just barely stepping into the luxury realm. They are miles from each other in every level. That doesn't make the 300 a bad car. For the price, and the power, it's a great car. But it's not a Bentley. See for yourself.

It never will be a Bentley. Unless you destroy it, melt the sheet metal, and build a Bentley there is no way in hell it will be one. So why does someone find it necessary to replace the grille? Buddy look, you couldn't afford a Bentley; not many people can. So you bought a 300, an admirable car choice. But the minute you went to your "car guy" who's job it is to butcher anything with 4 wheels, and slapped on that piece of shit fake grille, you declared your membership to the "that guy" club. And you never want to be in the "that guy" club because everyone knows "that guy" is an asshole. Not to mention on another level, you're taking away the part of the 300 that gives it its signature. Grilles are starting to get big again, and that's definitely due to the success of the 300. Audi, VW, Chevy, and even Honda, have all added square feet to their grilles. It's just more aesthetically pleasing that way. And is anyone really going to take a quick look and think, "Hey, there goes a Bentley! That guy is the coolest person alive!" No they are not.

You wonder why these people can't see the blatant differences between two things. Are they so delusional that they can't come to terms with their life situations? Here are other examples.


Obviously they are two different cars and no matter what you do, the Civic will never ever be a Lamborghini. And to spend that much money on something is asinine and retarded.


Now we can all plainly see that the baby is not a hamburger. By no means, besides killing it, the baby will never ever be a hamburger. But I have to believe that these same people would have no difficulty in trying to make the baby into one.

Congratulations, you've successfully damaged the reputation of two automobiles...and you want to eat babies. What the fuck is wrong with you?

QUICK NOTE: Another greeting card in my line would be "Sorry you got the Black death." It would use this picture.