Pazzesco!
Pazzesco!

Friday, February 24, 2006


like clue, only dumber
Let's follow the signs on my company's latest change in management and see where it leads.
  1. My supervisor, having been in the position for 10 months decides if he's ever getting anywhere in this company (which usually means moving to the middle of nowhere) he needs to gain more experience in different roles.
  2. Having determined this, he speaks to the director about his wishes during his performance review.
  3. In a matter of a day the director determines this to be a good decision and finds a replacement. In a day! There was no job posting or anything of the sort. So already something is fishy.
  4. The replacement is a woman whose husband has just conveniently been hired at a new job in Manhattan...all the way from Michigan.
Can anyone explain to me what's not fucked up about this equation? She probably expressed interest in coming to this area because her husband upped and went and got a job before she even had a spot. In fact she probably was already promised a place here and that's why he did. Furthermore, to not post the position on the Job Board completely discredits the company on fair practices. It's happened before: they scramble for a woman as a manager for diversity requirements. Oh, and did I mention that she's African American? So they killed two birds with one stone. They’ve said nothing about her credibility, experience, or skills. Sure she may have been with the company for 8 years, but just because a dancer has danced for 8 years doesn't mean they're any good. There is such thing has 8 years of sucking and getting by. I've said five words to her, and I already can tell she’s a moron (aka excess giggling). Now, you can look at this as being chauvinist/racist or whatever, but could anything be more obvious. Not to mention that it directly effects me because she's my supervisor now. That being the last nail in the coffin, I'm 100% getting the fuck out of here.

I think it was the African American woman with the diversity card in Manhattan. I wish it were Colonel Mustard.

QUICK NOTE: I'm sure she make assloads more than me. I can do her job in my sleep.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


hating people you've never met
Stop trying to impress people by waxing poetic in comments. They are called comments, not diatribes. Speak like a normal fucking human being. No one cares about your long winded opinion or deep insights into anything. If a person is truly going to see you for who you are then don't put up a guise; unless you really are just full of yourself, and then you'll just end up sad and alone. No one likes a know it all. From the looks of it you fit into that category.

QUICK NOTE: Why hasn't the design on the Teddy Grahams box changed in 15 years?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


idiotic compilation - the future
I think I'm going to start documenting those signs that our world is turning into a depressing place to live. The current intelligence of your average person is dwindling at a monumental rate.

For instance, apparently people get paid to make up predictions about the future. Companies hire "futurologists" to determine what things will be like in x amount of years. Here's a sample:
  • 2012: personal 'black boxes' record everything you do every day
  • 2015: images beamed directly into your eyeballs
  • 2017: first hotel in orbit
  • 2020: artificial intelligence elected to parliament\
  • 2040: robots become mentally and physically superior to humans
  • 2075 (at the earliest): time travel invented
If you ask me, this guy's a real asshole. First he's getting paid to make shit up; I can do that in my sleep. Second, what he makes up isn't even that interesting. If I were him this would be my asshole logic:

2012 is not that far off so I'll just take something already invented and reapply it to something it's normally not used for. Like using a toaster to warm my balls. For 2015, I'll start thinking out of the normal realm, but not totally out there. I'll create something completely useless. Why in the hell would someone want images directly beamed into their eyeballs when they could just look at something? What the fuck is the point? Doesn't matter, the future rocks! 2017 and I'll resort to the ultimate cop out: space. Rule #1: Whenever predicting the future you must involve space. Despite the fact that 20 years ago they had us living there, and now we can barely get off the ground, the reality of having a hotel in 11 years is totally logical? The next one is my favorite. I assume that artificial intelligence will be common place by 2020. Not only that, but that it would have a political viewpoint. It thinks for itself, AND it's going to launder money. And parliament? I'm a fucking genius! Rule #2: When "space" is already used concerning the future, "robots" are never far behind. Especially robots that are better than us and will probably kill us. All in 34 years! And the last one? Well that’s easily predictable. But I'll put the "earliest" part in there because I don't want anyone thinking I have no basis for any of this stuff, and that I'm an overpaid dildo.

So obviously our future is pretty grim, what with AI politicians and killer robots; does anyone else think this guy just watched a lot of bad movies? While these may be predictions, the true future is just as bleak. On futureme.org, you can write yourself an e-mail, and have it delivered some time in the future. This of course bearing on the fact that the server is still around, and your e-mail address still exists. You can view other people's e-mails if they marked it public. This one deserves "the treatment"

note to self, (notice there is no use of capitals in a correct way...or punctuation)
well if plans went right then right now you are in NYC (probably from the mid-west) and taking classes on journalism and other stupid subjects (obviously enjoys school) that you'll never need b/c you are going to be in playboy anyways (expected) j/k (kidding herself about not being a dumb whore) or am I well. (shouldn't there be a period and a comma somewhere around here) If you're not in college then that must mean that you are on Real World (at this point I'm certain the world will end by 2020) well congradulations (2015) brittany (2010) i always knew you could do it and so did everyone else (who? ashley? missy? bianca maybe?) and if you are not doing neither (either) of these two things then u are a complete and total DUMASS (too easy) -ya thats how it is. Welcome to the future (please God...no)

From the mouths of babes, I think is the term. I can't wait to sit in interviews with these people when they attempt to join the workforce. They don't expect to succeed in life do they? They're not going to under my watch. But even successful people are idiots. In fact by percentage successful people are dumber than normal people. Example:

Natalie Portman says she fulfilled a long-standing ambition by shaving her head for the sci-fi thriller "V for Vendetta."

Shaving your head is a long time ambition, huh? Not making something of yourself, or giving to the poor...but shaving your head. You're in one fucking movie about an oppressive future and you think you're God's gift to the world because you shaved your fucking head. You know what? One of my long time ambitions is eating a brownie...which I'm doing right now. Looks like I can cross that off of my list. All that's left now is taking a shit, and breathing some oxygen; I might be able to accomplish those tonight. Fucking degenerate.

QUICK NOTE: Sometimes playing out gender roles creates an exciting and interesting change to life.


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